Smitten: Book IV: Hell is a dish best served cold

Lucifer grinned as he realised what the report in his hands meant. This time
He had to let him back in. He had heard from his spies that his nemesis was
currently fixated on the man who's picture was on the report in front of
him. The picture showed the man falling rather painfully off what was known
as a snowboard. Lucifer wondered at the stupidity of this particular human
for him to actually get on a snowboard when it was clear that God was
enacting a vendetta upon him. Lucifer thought for a moment that perhaps this
man had realised that hell was not only cold, but actually resided in
various places on Earth called "Ski Resorts", and that God had no way of
seeing into these places thus they were a perfect place to hide, but figured
the human to be less intelligent than that.

The buzzer on God's desk sounded. "Lucifer here to see you, sir", a voice
said.

"Send him in, I have been meaning to talk to him", God replied.

Lucifer scuttled in, in the way that only the master of Hell can scuttle.
God for a moment wished that He too could scuttle, but then thought better
of it.

"I expect you know why I am here", Lucifer said in a rather high voice.

"Yes, you must know the whereabouts of a human that interests me, he went
into one of your infernal snow fields a few days ago."

Lucifer threw the report on His desk. God started ruffling through the
initial pages before saying, "This isn't going to get you back in, you know.
The most fun I can have is when a human is beginning to learn to ski and I
can throw little kids and rocks in their way, but this human is beyond that,
he has learnt to ski. I would have to use an avalanche or something, and
that would be too obvious. You saw what happened when I toyed with that
Kennedy and Sonny Bono."

Just as God turned to the page with the picture of the human on it, he
noticed that Lucifer had gotten down on all fours and was jumping around the
room like a demented frog. "What the fuck are you doing?", God asked.

"Sorry sir, I just got a little excited", Lucifer answered as he got back on
his two feet. "If you will just look at that photo in front of you".

"I don't see...". God's face dropped and a small smirk appeared as He
noticed what was strapped rather stupidly to the man's feet. "Come here
Lucifer my boy, take a seat beside me, we must discuss your future at my
side. But first let me see this man on his snowboard and i will conjure up a
small child for him to barrell into."

God then proceeded to laugh....

"Stay out of God's radar, and for fuck's sake, if you know how to ski, don't
bother learning snowboarding"