Smitten: I'd Like To Thank God

Or How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love The Oscars.

Coco Lee: I'd like to thank my Pop for arranging the out of work actors
around me to be hung by wires, thus keeping their talent sufficiently
away from mine.

Julia Roberts: I'd like to thank God for not striking me down where I stand
for wearing what looks suspiciously like a skunk that wasn't even dead when
I started to put it on.

Steven Soderberg: I'd like to thank God for making Ang Lee asian, as we all
know Asians couldn't even direct Traffic. That goes double to you Ridley,
you fucking hack.

Rusty Crowe: I'd like to thank Australia, New Zealand, Ireland and especially
the cunt who invented beer for making me the man I am today. And Hanks, you
cunt, what the fuck are you lookin' at, ya wanna have a go doya?

Chas: I'd like to thank D.Land for most of the jokes contained within. I'd
also like to thank God for creating life on Earth capable of artisic expression
and the creation of awards ceremonies that finally prove Darwin wrong.

"I'd like to thank God for making the other people lose"