The Jerry Springer Show : Episode 627 : "Marriage Meltdown!"

Email came around the office with an attachment to make your own Jerry Springer Episode. It asks some questions, eg Friend's names etc. I basically put blog names in there, with a couple of other non-serious answers. Here is the result. Funny? Don't even know myself. You be the judge...before I tell you that I am actually your twin sister, having gender re-assigned myself MANUALLY at age 4 using a spoon, with help from your cousin, who is a cross-dressing midget albino amish trekkie who I am secretly in love with. Who you didn't know about until now. As you didn't know you had an uncle. Who is your father. Who is Jerry Springer.

The Jerry Springer Show : Episode 627 : "Marriage Meltdown!"

[The crowd starts chanting "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"]

Jerry: Tonight on "The Jerry Springer Show" we have a particularly interesting episode! Chas is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend, Palamino. So everyone, please put your hands together for Chas!

[The crowd whoops and hollers]

Jerry: Okay, now Chas you're here to talk about someone aren't you?

You: Yes.

Jerry: And what is this other person's name?

You: Gempire.

[The crowd squeals with delight]

Jerry: Okay, okay, well Gempire, is actually here tonight ...

[The crowd squeals]

Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Chas, because as it happens there is someone else here to see you! So let's bring out ... Ezza!

You: What the HELL!!!

[Out of nowhere you pull out a Half-cooked lima beans. Ezza reaches for the Poof. Out of the shadows Kim appears]

Kim: Wait everybody, wait!

Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First, tell us why you're here Ezza.

Ezza: Because I saw Chas and Kim making out at Buffet: The Hunger Slayer!

[The crowd goes absolutely insane]

Kim: That's a lie! I was home watching Kafka's Bureaucracy!

Jerry: [raising his hands] Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here ... what exactly is the problem Ezza?

Ezza: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Palamino who has recently become engaged to Kim.

[The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement]

Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Palamino out here because Chas had something that they needed to tell them anyway about ... Gempire that's right!

Palamino: [enters onto stage and saunters over towards you] What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Gempire! You know how I feel about Gempire!

Kim: [screams] What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Gempire!

Palamino: Because I knew that I could never have Gempire. But Chas promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!

Kim: What about respect for my feelings!

[Ezza walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Palamino]

Ezza: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.

[Again the crowd squeals]

Kim: Oh my God! Are you sick!?

[Kim runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly]

Kim: Chas take me away from all of this!

You: You see? That's the thing ... I'm ... well, I'm married ...

[The crowd does its bit]

Kim: Married?

[You nod]

Kim: Who the hell are you married to? When ... when did this happen? I don't understand!

You: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Gempire.

Palamino: [screaming] WHAT!!!

Jerry: [grinning widely, makes an enquiry] So ... did you have a nice wedding night?

Gempire: [stepping back out onto center stage] Well we had sex 11 times if that's what you mean.

[The crowd squeals]

Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight ... Chas is married to Gempire who Palamino has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Palamino has recently become engaged to Kim who was recently spotted kissing Chas in Buffet: The Hunger Slayer. Now on top of this, Ezza has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Palamino.

Gempire: That's right Jerry.

Jerry: [looking sternly into the camera] It's times like these that one has to wonder whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks - it's been great - but for now, take care of yourselves ... and each other.

[Cue cheesy background music and fade to black]

Update:

Which makes me wonder. What is produced if two blogs mate? Hmmmm, I have an idea for a bit of software...